I received an email last week responding to one of my applications, this time for another position where I'd function as some sort of liaison between a medical software company's clients and their tech department. Curiously, it seems like every other job I interview for has me do something akin to coordinating between what managers consider "people," (i.e. customers) and "those-who-cannot-be-allowed-to-see-daylight-or-scare-the-children" (i.e. tech/IT/R&D/those things from Monsters, Inc. that my little sister really loves). While I shouldn't really be complaining about the fact that the market has somehow seen fit to create a position which I ostensibly qualify for, I do wonder if there could be a substantial gain in just teaching someone in one of the "stay out of sight" departments how to interface with customers/clients themselves. Then again, maybe that's why I never get hired for these jobs: the position simply doesn't exist, and they do just end up sliding a techie or what have you into that role.
In any case, we scheduled a phone interview, I brushed up on the position and its requirements, and sat anxiously by the phone at the appropriate time. Five minutes passed, and nothing. Ten minutes, nope. At around thirteen, I finally got a call. Hello, how are you, listen, I have to go into a meeting, can I call you back in twenty minutes or so? Well, so much for your adeptness at scheduling things. But hey, I'm a flexible guy, sure, twenty minutes is fine. Not twenty, but more like thirty minutes later, she called back. Why couldn't she just have said thirty minutes? This disrespect for applicants' time and punctuality is another annoyingly recurring feature of the job market, though I can't reason out a conspiracy conjecture for why people who either have poor time management skills or simply can't deal with numbers would be more likely to serve in hiring/human resources roles.
Gripes about lateness aside, the woman I spoke to was impressively pleasant. We even joked around, which is a rarity given that most interviewers generally give off vibes that they'd rather be eaten by a crocodile with gingivitis than continue speaking with you longer than they have to. I was asked a fair bit of detailed questions concerning my experience, which I answered in a way that aligned my work history with the position's listed requirements. All in all, this lasted for about twenty minutes, until the interview wound down to a close, perhaps because the interviewer had run out of questions. At that point, she went into the ubiquitous "let me talk a little about the position" mode, and dropped this gem: "Well, what we're looking for is really someone with more of a customer service background, in that working with customers and clients will take up the majority of their time."
Do I have experience in "customer service" that I can point to in a pinch? Absolutely. Do I have experience working with people who are effectively clients? Sure do. Are my current volunteering endeavors really anything more than efforts towards conveying complex, technical concepts face-to-face to people who don't quite understand them themselves? (I translate for members of the Russian community who wish to immigration paperwork on behalf of relatives still in Eastern Europe.) Indeed. So, "customer service background," well, that's not a problem for me. However, did any of the questions she asked of me actually relate to any sort of customer service at all? Nope; they mostly dealt with using technology for project-based goals as well as the details/culture of my past work experience. Okay, wanting one thing and not really indicating it in the interview, well, that happens if you're a bad interviewer. But here's the really ridiculous part: I'm going to copy-paste the listed requirements for the position on the original listing that I replied to, which was also emailed to me prior to the phone interview. Look on their works, ye mighty, and despair:
-BA/BS
-Ability to learn quickly, multi-task, and prioritize
-Must be proficient in Word, Excel, PowerPoint and Internet Explorer
-Detail oriented, enthusiastic, self-motivated, eager, and have a customer service sensibility
-Excellent communication and interpersonal skills
-Highly organized and self motivated with the ability to work independently
-Bilingual capability (German, French, Spanish) - a distinct advantage
So, while I harped on my organizational skills and prioritization abilities, my affinity for assorted office programs, my attention to detail, the fact that I repeatedly and inadvertently find myself tutoring people in Spanish, for crying out loud, I was secretly being judged for lacking something beyond that which was buried in the line about random intangibles such as "enthusiasm." What does a customer service "sensibility" even mean? The dictionary defines it as, generally, "capacity for sensation or feeling." So someone with a customer service "sensibility" has the ability to "feel" a customer service role? First, why not just say experience, if that's what you're going for and want? Second, why not actually try to elevate that in importance, not only in the listing, but in the interview itself, if that's what you're really looking for?
Employer Fail #45: If you want something in a candidate, say it. Don't make them guess. Saying one thing when you want another just wastes everyone's time, which, given Employer Fail #42, is apparently something you don't seem to care a lot about.
Upon hearing those words about the desire to have a candidate well-versed in customer service, I initially tried to blurt out, in protest, "Wait! Hey! I have that too, let me tell you about it." But, it came out more as "W--!" as the interviewer cut me off with a firm but pleasant, "Okay, well, that wraps this up. We'll be in touch. Thanks for taking the time to interview with us." I figured forcefully interrupting the niceties of a goodbye would've been uncouth, so I went along with the disappointing denouement.
If it had ended there, with just that degree of fail, it would have been frustrating and maddening, but without a pointed insult. That was to come too. Before the requirement turnaround, I had gotten to asking the interviewer a few questions about the organization she represented, as well as the job itself, and got to talking about timetables for the position. I asked when they were looking to have someone start by, assuring her that I was available as soon as possible, and was told that they planned to finish the phone interviews within the next couple of days and start calling people in to interview on-site. In the course of this, despite me not asking her to, she promised me (promised!) that she would call me back within two days, at the most, letting me know one way or the other. It's been over a week, and still no phone call.
Why make a promise you're going to break, especially if I didn't ask you to guarantee me anything? At this point, it could still turn out to be Employer Fail #38, with her calling me back two months from now, where she will regret to inform me that the position went to a chronic liar who can't tell time but has customer service sensibility flowing out the proverbial yin-yang, but for now, it's just insulting.
Oh, and for those keeping score at home, I have yet to receive a single reply from any of the fourteen things I applied to a couple of days ago. Stay classy, job market!
